I'm Glad My Mom Died

Very few of us experience the challenges of being a child star. But many, many more of us have experienced some of the abuse that Jeannette experienced. Growing up in emotional chaos or physical chaos. Having disturbing sexual experiences too young. Developing eating disorders. Over the course of the book Jeannette learns to name what her mother put her through as abuse. She learns how to engage with therapy and start working on her eating disorders. ED's have the highest death rate of any mental illness. I think there are people who will recognise themselves in this book and I hope recognise the need to get help. On top of that it is very well written, easy to read in spite of the difficult subject matter, extremely engaging. It makes it clear, if the well known trajectories of other child stars have not, that tv and film need to seriously reform how they use child actors or not use them at all. I wish Jeannette McCurdy all the success in the world as a writer and director.

A hard hitting account of a difficult and abusive relationship between a mother and daughter. Another case of a daughter having to carry their mother's trauma. A daughter asking for love and receiving confusing messages of unworthiness and abuse. Jennette's account of the abuse she endured as a child, is heartbreaking yet her honesty refreshing. Anyone who has experienced the pain of that awakening, entering adulthood and realising that their childhood hasn't been normal, that their experiences are actually classified as abuse, will be able to connect with Jennette's words. Jennette talks a lot about anorexia and bulimia which could potentially be a trigger for some. She is very honest and graphic about her struggles with bulimia. If you, like me, were abused by a parent, you may get the feeling I got when reading this of not being alone. Though the types of abuse may differ, the feelings I had as a child were very similar. I love how Jennette is helping normalise the fact that, just because someone gives you life, that doesn't mean that you owe them a thing if they choose to mistreat you. For so long we have been told as a society to worship and respect our parents, to speak negatively of a parent is looked down upon. It is ok to end contact with a parent that is abusive. If you set boundaries and they are not respected time and time again, that person doesn't deserve your time. I received a birthday card just like the email Jennette received, telling me how bad of a daughter I was, and that I was being disowned. It hurt tremendously. I'm so happy that Jenette is living her own life now and making her own choices. It gives me strength to see how well she is doing. The book has made me want to carry on with my therapy and healing process. She makes it clear that unpacking all the emotional trauma, facing it, understanding why it happened and the realisation that, its not your fault, is the best way to move forward. You can never fully understand why a parent abuses their child but you CAN reach that point where you know, as the child, it's not your fault. It's not on you, you were not the one with a problem that needed fixing. That's the important part.

There are several key take-aways from this excellent book, notably; Parenting is a profession; Certain behaviours in a parent/child relationship cannot be excused by good intentions; Parenting failures can have lifelong consequences for the physical and mental well-being of your children; Respect and loyalty do not come automatically with parenthood, any more than they do with rank or position; Any interference with the natural process of puberty is child abuse; Narcissistic behaviours by parents are killers of parent/child relationships; Complete openness and transparency in a parent/child relationship are vital; and Last but not least, there is a world of difference between attention-seeking and awareness-raising. Various posts on social media about I’M GLAD MY MUM DIED clearly convey the message that Jennette McCurdy is perceived by some to be an attention-seeker. Everyone is entitled to his/her own view, but I for one find this worrying. Would an attention-seeker write a book about a mother who wiped her daughter’s backside when she (the daughter) was 8? And who made her daughter shower with her brothers when she was 11 and they were 16 “because she didn’t want her to grow up”? And who attempted to stop her daughter’s breasts from developing by means of calorie restriction? And who performs regular examinations of her daughter’s breasts and vagina just to see if there are any lumps or bumps? And who failed to tell her daughter that her “father” was not in fact her biological father? One is reminded of what the late great Oliver Hardy said in the feature film SONS OF THE DESERT, after he and his pal Stan Laurel have lied to their wives about going to Honolulu and being shipwrecked; “It’s too far-fetched NOT to be the truth.” The narrative of this book is most definitely not that of an attention-seeker and Jennette deserves kudos for acknowledging, albeit only after the death of her mother Debra, that she (Jennette) had her on a pedestal. “I was conditioned to believe any boundary I wanted was a betrayal of her, so I stayed silent.” In writing this book, Jennette sets the record straight in a very convincing and down-to-earth manner. The consequences of parenting failures on a child cannot be overstated. For Jennette, they led to bulimia and alcohol abuse, which led to loss of teeth and, believe it or not, weight gain. They also led to reliance on a therapist whose advice was objectively not the best. “Your mother was only doing the best for you, Jennette,” says Laura, her therapist, making the same mistake as Jennette herself did for many years. Jennette sensibly dumps her. For every attention-seeker there are at least three awareness-raisers. Jennette McCurdy is 100% in the latter category and her book is all the more readable for it. Every prospective p...

Warning: A few spoilers I saw so much of my own narcissistic mother in this book, though Jennette had it much worse. Just more reminders of how victims can be taught that abuse is normal, even good. And by the time you learn the truth, so much damage has been done. I took one star off because it seemed like Jennette was throwing certain people under the bus, without a clear reason why. I can understand that she talked bitterly about her therapists and other people because she was bitter and in the middle of addictions and grief overall. And I can understand her being jealous of Ariana Grande getting special treatment. But she didn’t go into a lot of detail about why Sam and cat or her singing career failed. I also get a feeling of sour grapes from her about her acting career. I feel like if she had been offered more exciting rules after Nickelodeon, she would’ve gladly taken them. So I feel it’s a bit disingenuous of her to say that she just hates acting outright. That being said, I don’t blame her one bit for being glad that her mother is dead. I also agree that the dead can be romanticized and so many of their sins are just out right forgiven just because they’re dead. I think she’s absolutely right to never go back to her mother’s grave and I hope she never again feels a need to.

and I don’t say that to diminish the acting work that she has done. But when I imagine a world where she was encouraged to follow her true passion, I see many literary accomplishments, influential screenplays, and other important works done, especially given that this powerful memoir is her first publication, and her talent is tremendous. The book is very well done, and Jennette’s style of storytelling, through vignettes as opposed to a fully connected narrative arc, is brilliant. It doesn’t miss a beat, even when shifting between present day and Jennette’s childhood experiences. She writes every scene in present tense, which really adds to the visceral and urgent feelings of the defenseless child that she was, one who spent the majority of her life experience in a state of panic, flooded with stress hormones, attempting to anticipate the needs and rapidly shifting whims of a mentally ill, abusive caretaker who showed no hesitation in fully exploiting Jennette, regardless of the lasting and extreme emotional, physical, and psychological consequences that Jennette has had to face head on and work tirelessly to heal in adulthood. Jennette truly transforms pain into power with this book. I hope to read more from her, should her desire to be to continue to write. Mostly I just wish her the absolute best in whatever brings her the most joy and freedom.