Performing Arts
![Derek DelGaudio - [object Object] author](https://res.cloudinary.com/readsomnia/image/upload/authors/a_B08XQFG9XS.jpg)
AMORALMAN: A True Story and Other Lies
Truth and lies are two sides of the same coin. But who's flipping it? A thought-provoking and brilliantly entertaining work of nonfiction from one of the world's leading deceivers, the creator and star of the astonishing theater show and forthcoming film In & Of Itself.
Derek DelGaudio believed he was a decent, honest man. But when irrefutable evidence to the contrary is found in an old journal, his memories are reawakened and Derek is forced to confront--and try to understand--his role in a significant act of deception from his past.
Using his youthful notebook entries as a road map, Derek embarks on a soulful, often funny, sometimes dark journey, retracing the path that led him to a world populated by charlatans, card cheats, and con artists. As stories are peeled away and artifices are revealed, Derek examines the mystery behind his father's vanishing act, the secret he inherited from his mother, the obsession he developed with sleight-of-hand that shaped his future, and the affinity he felt for the professional swindlers who taught him how to deceive others. And once he finds himself working as a crooked dealer in a big-money Hollywood card game, Derek begins to question his own sense of morality, and discovers that even a master of deception can find himself trapped inside an illusion.
A M O R A L M A N is a wildly engaging exploration of the fictions we live as truths. It is ultimately a book about the lies we tell ourselves and the realities we manufacture in others.
Derek DelGaudio believed he was a decent, honest man. But when irrefutable evidence to the contrary is found in an old journal, his memories are reawakened and Derek is forced to confront--and try to understand--his role in a significant act of deception from his past.
Using his youthful notebook entries as a road map, Derek embarks on a soulful, often funny, sometimes dark journey, retracing the path that led him to a world populated by charlatans, card cheats, and con artists. As stories are peeled away and artifices are revealed, Derek examines the mystery behind his father's vanishing act, the secret he inherited from his mother, the obsession he developed with sleight-of-hand that shaped his future, and the affinity he felt for the professional swindlers who taught him how to deceive others. And once he finds himself working as a crooked dealer in a big-money Hollywood card game, Derek begins to question his own sense of morality, and discovers that even a master of deception can find himself trapped inside an illusion.
A M O R A L M A N is a wildly engaging exploration of the fictions we live as truths. It is ultimately a book about the lies we tell ourselves and the realities we manufacture in others.
Editorial Reviews
ONE OF NPR'S BEST BOOKS OF THE YEAR
"This is a book about honesty, deceit, and the short distance that lies between. It is a straightforward gaze at the blurry intersection of fact and fiction, and its revelations ultimately arouse suspicion about everything." -Steve Martin
"Every magician is, or wishes they were, masters of secrecy and deception. But what if you are a magician who doesn't want to deceive? Derek DelGaudio has given us a story about how and where we find truth, and he takes us through some very dark places to get there. We learn how a nice young man became a professional card cheat in a most dangerous game, we learn about magic, and about the shadows in Plato's Cave, about illusion and reality, until we finally discover that the book in and of itself is a magic trick -- one that holds out the hope that we can all learn to walk out of the deceptive and cavernous darkness and into the light." -Neil Gaiman
"The old hustler's adage holds that "the game is sold, never told" - meaning that anything you learn will cost you. AMORALMAN is a riveting ledger of one man's education, a parable about the lines between grifters and marks, a moral man and an amoral one. Buy this book - it's cheaper than not buying it." -Jelani Cobb
"A sublime enlightenment. A disappointment only in that it came to an end." -Tom Hanks
"AMORALMAN now joins The Matrix in proving you can turn French philosophy into compelling entertainment." -Elisabeth Vincentelli, The New York Times
"In a magic trick, the moment of revelation is essential: the spectators are amazed, not only because what they're seeing defies explanation but because they should have seen it coming all along. The end of DelGaudio's story has that effect, but instead of an ace of spades there's a moral epiphany-an existential ta-da!" -Michael Schulman, The New Yorker
"A boy enthralled by magic becomes an accomplished swindler . . . In his entertaining debut memoir, performer, artist, and magician DelGaudio recounts his transformation from a child who loved magic tricks to a professional card cheat immersed in a world of high-stakes grifters . . . Throughout, he creates animated portraits of the many nasty characters he encountered and conveys a vivid sense of the greed and deception pervasive among gamblers, shills, and liars . . . A lively tale of immersion in-and escape from-the underworld." -Kirkus Reviews
"[A] masterly memoiristic account of lying and self-decept...
"This is a book about honesty, deceit, and the short distance that lies between. It is a straightforward gaze at the blurry intersection of fact and fiction, and its revelations ultimately arouse suspicion about everything." -Steve Martin
"Every magician is, or wishes they were, masters of secrecy and deception. But what if you are a magician who doesn't want to deceive? Derek DelGaudio has given us a story about how and where we find truth, and he takes us through some very dark places to get there. We learn how a nice young man became a professional card cheat in a most dangerous game, we learn about magic, and about the shadows in Plato's Cave, about illusion and reality, until we finally discover that the book in and of itself is a magic trick -- one that holds out the hope that we can all learn to walk out of the deceptive and cavernous darkness and into the light." -Neil Gaiman
"The old hustler's adage holds that "the game is sold, never told" - meaning that anything you learn will cost you. AMORALMAN is a riveting ledger of one man's education, a parable about the lines between grifters and marks, a moral man and an amoral one. Buy this book - it's cheaper than not buying it." -Jelani Cobb
"A sublime enlightenment. A disappointment only in that it came to an end." -Tom Hanks
"AMORALMAN now joins The Matrix in proving you can turn French philosophy into compelling entertainment." -Elisabeth Vincentelli, The New York Times
"In a magic trick, the moment of revelation is essential: the spectators are amazed, not only because what they're seeing defies explanation but because they should have seen it coming all along. The end of DelGaudio's story has that effect, but instead of an ace of spades there's a moral epiphany-an existential ta-da!" -Michael Schulman, The New Yorker
"A boy enthralled by magic becomes an accomplished swindler . . . In his entertaining debut memoir, performer, artist, and magician DelGaudio recounts his transformation from a child who loved magic tricks to a professional card cheat immersed in a world of high-stakes grifters . . . Throughout, he creates animated portraits of the many nasty characters he encountered and conveys a vivid sense of the greed and deception pervasive among gamblers, shills, and liars . . . A lively tale of immersion in-and escape from-the underworld." -Kirkus Reviews
"[A] masterly memoiristic account of lying and self-decept...
Readers Top Reviews
Cyn DKerry Ramsay
An engaging and entertaining story. Derek makes you consider everything you’re reading and ultimately question exactly what you’ve read. A relatively quick read but that just gives you extra time to delve into it again.
Joseph CowanCyn D
Was really taken with the conflating of a con job or fixed card game wuth Plato' Cave. Caused ne to reexamine product marketing, theater and the early stages of relationships. A great read.
Jim KakaliosJosep
I've found it difficult to recommend Derek DelGuadio's In and Of Itself to others, impressing on them what is unique and innovative about the show, without giving away parts of the show whose impact comes from one being unprepared for what you are seeing. This book is an easier sell, at least if you have seen In and of Itself. What I found particularly fascinating was the story of a young man, a loner/outsider, who discovers magic. He spends endless hours perfecting his skills, but doesn't use them to impress others, to make friends, to be accepted by his peers. Rather he uses the secrets he learns to build a community for himself of himself. Reading this book helped me understand how a show like In and of Itself could come to be. Because all good illusions need a surrounding narrative, and the narrative of DelGuadio's life turns out to be a pretty good trick.
FB MamaFB MamaJim
I bought two copies, one for me and one for my brother. We both watched (and loved) IN & OF ITSELF (you must watch it if you haven't). So I opened my copy and saw this and had a response like, some guy with greasy fingers must have packed this, and my brother opened his (we're in different states) and had a response like, I bet this is a Derek Delgaudio experience and we're in it. I have no idea if that's true or not, and I also have a feeling that if I get it replaced (I actually already have my UPS label), it'll be the same because either the same guy is packing it between eating his McD fries, or it's part of the cover design/book package. The fact that it DOES come off makes me go hmmm. I hate to distract from the content of the book (unless we're being played, LOL!), but there it is! I am shallow and superficial and don't like things that are visibly gross. Sharing in case anyone else has a view. PS. The fingerprints on the spine (top of book) are like black ink or fingerprinted kind of dush. I can't believe I am actually writing about this … ! From a review of the book in the New York Times: "It goes back to Plato’s cave, which reminds us that things are always different than they seem. We misunderstand context. We confuse shadowy representations for the things in and of themselves. We live in a shadowy, fictional world.” Maybe the cover is in service to this?
David KenneyFB Ma
This was such a wonderful story and a fascinating insight into Derek DelGaudio's early life and career. If you have already seen Derek's off-Broadway magic act "In & Of Itself" or you've seen the movie on HULU directed by Frank Oz, then you'll already have some insight - but this book really takes the reader further into Derek's engaging upbringing and his introduction to the world of Magic and Card cheating. I highly recommend this book as a Father a Son, a Christian, a Magician a collector of playing cards and a lover of walnuts.
Short Excerpt Teaser
THE ORIGIN OF A LIE
Back in the late '60s, on Long Island, a man named George discovered that the neighborhood hardware store he had managed for the last three years was actually owned by the Mob and they were using it to launder money. After making this discovery, George, a former naval officer, grew increasingly uncomfortable with his unintentional involvement in a criminal enterprise. When his employers started asking him to run errands, to take envelopes from here to there, he gave his two weeks' notice. In response, his employers threatened him and his family. George packed the station wagon and fled to Los Angeles to start a new life with his wife, his two older daughters, and his new baby girl, Kim.
From the moment she was born, Kim knew only chaos. Her mother, George's wife, was a cruel drunk whose shrill voice set the loud and violent tone for the household. Kim and her sisters hung out at the beach long after the sun went down, to avoid going home. Eventually their father, too, grew weary of his wife's abuse. Kim never blamed him for leaving.
Rebelling against her mother, Kim became kind and reserved. She was a gangly girl with long hair bleached blond by the sun. By age sixteen, Kim towered above her peers at nearly six feet tall. Despite her imposing stature, she felt invisible. That's what drew her to my father. Years later she told me, "He was the first boy who ever paid attention to me."
They met in a small mountain town in California. Dad was a good-looking kid with dark hair and olive skin. He spotted Kim in the lobby of a ski lodge and struck up a conversation. They chatted for a bit, exchanged numbers, and a few weeks later they went on their first and only date.
Nine months later I was born.
My father was a rich kid from Beverly Hills. His parents didn't approve of my mother. As far as they were concerned, she was a girl from the wrong side of the tracks, and they were not about to let one mistake destroy their son's promising future.
I imagine my father, a college student, sitting on his bed. He's staring at the phone and the weight of the world is on his shoulders. Downstairs his mother, normally a model of grace, is smoking a cigarette and frantically pacing. His father, a mattress mogul, who made millions selling overpriced beds to hospitals, is sitting in his favorite leather chair nursing a glass of scotch. They have just told my father to call my sixteen-year-old mother and tell her exactly what they discussed. My father rehearses his lines:
I have my whole life ahead of me. And while you are entitled to have the baby, I cannot allow your choice to ruin the rest of my life. So I'm calling to tell you I will have no part in the child's life. This is the last time we will speak. Please do not contact me again.
I don't know how long he sat there by the phone, but I'm certain making that call and saying those words to my sweet, young, confused, vulnerable mother was the most difficult thing my father ever had to do.
Or at least it would have been, had he called. But he didn't. And while I'd like to think my father wanted to call, the truth is he couldn't even find enough courage to be a coward. Instead, my mother heard through the grapevine that his parents had shipped him off to another state, far from her and her mistake.
My pregnant mother was living in a cramped apartment with her alcoholic mother, who survived solely on welfare and child support. My grandmother suggested her daughter, my mother, have an abortion. Considering the circumstances, that was arguably the most thoughtful advice my grandma had ever given her daughter.
By this time my mother's father, George, had started a new family with his secretary-turned-wife. When Mom told George she was going to have a baby, he mustered up all the compassion he could to say, "You've ruined your life." To this day, my mother has never heard him utter the words "I love you."
After I was born, Mom's priority was getting us out from under Grandma's roof. A wise decision on her part. The few memories I have of my grandmother include the time she came home on the back of a motorcycle, holding a half-empty bottle of wine; the time her new "boyfriend" showed me his Hitler Youth knife; and her casual use of the N-word.
Mom dropped out of high school and got a job stocking shelves at a health-food store. Her two older sisters had their own apartments and we couch-surfed between them until Mom could afford a place of our own. She found an old laundry room that had been converted into living space. It was a single room with brick walls and a concrete floor. It had a toilet and a sink, but no kitchen.
&...
Back in the late '60s, on Long Island, a man named George discovered that the neighborhood hardware store he had managed for the last three years was actually owned by the Mob and they were using it to launder money. After making this discovery, George, a former naval officer, grew increasingly uncomfortable with his unintentional involvement in a criminal enterprise. When his employers started asking him to run errands, to take envelopes from here to there, he gave his two weeks' notice. In response, his employers threatened him and his family. George packed the station wagon and fled to Los Angeles to start a new life with his wife, his two older daughters, and his new baby girl, Kim.
From the moment she was born, Kim knew only chaos. Her mother, George's wife, was a cruel drunk whose shrill voice set the loud and violent tone for the household. Kim and her sisters hung out at the beach long after the sun went down, to avoid going home. Eventually their father, too, grew weary of his wife's abuse. Kim never blamed him for leaving.
Rebelling against her mother, Kim became kind and reserved. She was a gangly girl with long hair bleached blond by the sun. By age sixteen, Kim towered above her peers at nearly six feet tall. Despite her imposing stature, she felt invisible. That's what drew her to my father. Years later she told me, "He was the first boy who ever paid attention to me."
They met in a small mountain town in California. Dad was a good-looking kid with dark hair and olive skin. He spotted Kim in the lobby of a ski lodge and struck up a conversation. They chatted for a bit, exchanged numbers, and a few weeks later they went on their first and only date.
Nine months later I was born.
My father was a rich kid from Beverly Hills. His parents didn't approve of my mother. As far as they were concerned, she was a girl from the wrong side of the tracks, and they were not about to let one mistake destroy their son's promising future.
I imagine my father, a college student, sitting on his bed. He's staring at the phone and the weight of the world is on his shoulders. Downstairs his mother, normally a model of grace, is smoking a cigarette and frantically pacing. His father, a mattress mogul, who made millions selling overpriced beds to hospitals, is sitting in his favorite leather chair nursing a glass of scotch. They have just told my father to call my sixteen-year-old mother and tell her exactly what they discussed. My father rehearses his lines:
I have my whole life ahead of me. And while you are entitled to have the baby, I cannot allow your choice to ruin the rest of my life. So I'm calling to tell you I will have no part in the child's life. This is the last time we will speak. Please do not contact me again.
I don't know how long he sat there by the phone, but I'm certain making that call and saying those words to my sweet, young, confused, vulnerable mother was the most difficult thing my father ever had to do.
Or at least it would have been, had he called. But he didn't. And while I'd like to think my father wanted to call, the truth is he couldn't even find enough courage to be a coward. Instead, my mother heard through the grapevine that his parents had shipped him off to another state, far from her and her mistake.
My pregnant mother was living in a cramped apartment with her alcoholic mother, who survived solely on welfare and child support. My grandmother suggested her daughter, my mother, have an abortion. Considering the circumstances, that was arguably the most thoughtful advice my grandma had ever given her daughter.
By this time my mother's father, George, had started a new family with his secretary-turned-wife. When Mom told George she was going to have a baby, he mustered up all the compassion he could to say, "You've ruined your life." To this day, my mother has never heard him utter the words "I love you."
After I was born, Mom's priority was getting us out from under Grandma's roof. A wise decision on her part. The few memories I have of my grandmother include the time she came home on the back of a motorcycle, holding a half-empty bottle of wine; the time her new "boyfriend" showed me his Hitler Youth knife; and her casual use of the N-word.
Mom dropped out of high school and got a job stocking shelves at a health-food store. Her two older sisters had their own apartments and we couch-surfed between them until Mom could afford a place of our own. She found an old laundry room that had been converted into living space. It was a single room with brick walls and a concrete floor. It had a toilet and a sink, but no kitchen.
&...
