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Phosphorescence: A Memoir of Finding Joy When Your World Goes Dark
"Both timeless and timely, this is a book of wisdom and wonder" (Geraldine Brooks, Pulitzer Prize–winning author of March), a deeply personal exploration of what can sustain us through our darkest moments.
"What has fascinated and sustained me over these last few years has been the notion that we have the ability to find, nurture, and carry our own inner, living light-a light to ward off the darkness. This is not about burning brightly; it's about yielding a more simple phosphorescence-being luminous, having stored light for later use. Staying alive, remaining upright, even when lashed by doubt."
After surviving a difficult heartbreak and battle with cancer, acclaimed author and columnist Julia Baird began thinking deeply about how we, as people, persevere through the most challenging circumstances. She started to wonder, when we are overwhelmed by illness, loss or pain, or a tragedy outside our control: How can we keep putting one foot in front of the other? Baird went in search of the magic that fuels the light within-our own phosphorescence. In this stunning book, she reflects on the things that lit her way through the darkness, especially the surprising strength found in connecting with nature and not just experiencing awe and wonder about the world around her, but deliberately hunting it, daily.
Baird also writes about crossbeams of resilience: nurturing friendships and a quiet faith, pursuing silence, fighting for what she believes in, the importance of feeling small, learning from her mother's example of stoic grace. She also explores how others nurture their inner light, interviewing the founder of the modern forest therapy movement in Tokyo, a jellyfish scientist in Tasmania, and a tattooed priest from Colorado, among others.
Weaving together candid and moving memoir with deep research and reflections on nature and the world around her, Baird inspires readers to embrace new habits and to adopt a phosphorescent outlook on life, to illuminate ourselves and our days-even in the darkest times.
"What has fascinated and sustained me over these last few years has been the notion that we have the ability to find, nurture, and carry our own inner, living light-a light to ward off the darkness. This is not about burning brightly; it's about yielding a more simple phosphorescence-being luminous, having stored light for later use. Staying alive, remaining upright, even when lashed by doubt."
After surviving a difficult heartbreak and battle with cancer, acclaimed author and columnist Julia Baird began thinking deeply about how we, as people, persevere through the most challenging circumstances. She started to wonder, when we are overwhelmed by illness, loss or pain, or a tragedy outside our control: How can we keep putting one foot in front of the other? Baird went in search of the magic that fuels the light within-our own phosphorescence. In this stunning book, she reflects on the things that lit her way through the darkness, especially the surprising strength found in connecting with nature and not just experiencing awe and wonder about the world around her, but deliberately hunting it, daily.
Baird also writes about crossbeams of resilience: nurturing friendships and a quiet faith, pursuing silence, fighting for what she believes in, the importance of feeling small, learning from her mother's example of stoic grace. She also explores how others nurture their inner light, interviewing the founder of the modern forest therapy movement in Tokyo, a jellyfish scientist in Tasmania, and a tattooed priest from Colorado, among others.
Weaving together candid and moving memoir with deep research and reflections on nature and the world around her, Baird inspires readers to embrace new habits and to adopt a phosphorescent outlook on life, to illuminate ourselves and our days-even in the darkest times.
Editorial Reviews
"Julia Baird is an alchemist, turning the dross of her life's harshest blows into shimmering prose. Ravaged by a broken heart and debilitating cancer, she undertakes a careful examination of what might yet sustain her. Both timeless and timely, this is a book of wisdom and wonder."-Geraldine Brooks, Pulitzer Prize–winning author of March and Caleb's Crossing
"Julia Baird's glorious and gorgeous memoir glows with wisdom and glitters with merriment. This beautiful book is a light in the darkness."-Sy Montgomery, author of How to Be a Good Creature
"This book is a love letter to the world by a brilliant writer who nearly left it. Julia Baird has gone into the depths of human experience-her own, and others'-and come back with this luminous and profound celebration of people and the planet. Phosphorescence is a treasure to read and re-read your whole life."-Anna Funder, author of All That I Am and Stasiland
"I loved this book. A cupped hand full of light in a darkened world. A collection of glittering curios. I'll hold it close in trying times."-Cal Flyn, author of Islands of Abandonment
"Phosphorescence is that rare thing: a book that reminds the reader that change is possible, and that hope is not a luxury but an imperative. Compassionate, expansive, and rigorous, it is a marvel."-James Bradley, author of The Resurrectionist
"This book is beautiful. It is absolutely my kind of book. A book of tough hope. A light in the dark. A thing of beauty. Phosphorescence itself. [Julia Baird] has been to the tough edges and gives us light. She writes like a dream. Life, nature, hope. You should treat yourself."-Matt Haig, author of The Midnight Library
"Emotional, introspective . . . It's impossible to read this book and not sense a shift in one's thinking about happiness, joy, and a range of other emotions."-Kirkus Reviews
"[A] poignant combination of self-he...
"Julia Baird's glorious and gorgeous memoir glows with wisdom and glitters with merriment. This beautiful book is a light in the darkness."-Sy Montgomery, author of How to Be a Good Creature
"This book is a love letter to the world by a brilliant writer who nearly left it. Julia Baird has gone into the depths of human experience-her own, and others'-and come back with this luminous and profound celebration of people and the planet. Phosphorescence is a treasure to read and re-read your whole life."-Anna Funder, author of All That I Am and Stasiland
"I loved this book. A cupped hand full of light in a darkened world. A collection of glittering curios. I'll hold it close in trying times."-Cal Flyn, author of Islands of Abandonment
"Phosphorescence is that rare thing: a book that reminds the reader that change is possible, and that hope is not a luxury but an imperative. Compassionate, expansive, and rigorous, it is a marvel."-James Bradley, author of The Resurrectionist
"This book is beautiful. It is absolutely my kind of book. A book of tough hope. A light in the dark. A thing of beauty. Phosphorescence itself. [Julia Baird] has been to the tough edges and gives us light. She writes like a dream. Life, nature, hope. You should treat yourself."-Matt Haig, author of The Midnight Library
"Emotional, introspective . . . It's impossible to read this book and not sense a shift in one's thinking about happiness, joy, and a range of other emotions."-Kirkus Reviews
"[A] poignant combination of self-he...
Readers Top Reviews
daniel guerra vil
I listened to a podcast with the author before reading the book and was intrigued by the premise. When I started reading I believed that it was going to be a pop science book made to fit the phosphorescence metaphor but it turns out the book is much more than that. The book blends science and memoir into an inspiring concoction of practical life philosophy written in a very beautiful way. I will recommend this book to others very much as I believe that the only outcome after reading it is positive and perhaps even life changing. I'm so glad I read it and I highlighted it to the point of absurdity. Thank you for such an amazing book. I trust this one will change some people's lives.
J.Kdaniel guerra
Baird wrote her memoir after enduring horrendously painful cancer treatments and surgeries. She sought light and explored how people respond to light. Different chapters deal with respective topics such as religion, clothing, friends, and natural light. Interspersed with the facts, Baird reveals snippets of her story. Honestly, I cruised through much of the science and literary references to focus on her personal story. I agree with her premise that people are attracted to the light. Dark, dreary days are difficult for me and I yearn for the sun. I seek light in most things I do, as I think many people do. Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for the ARC.
Alicia CrumptonAl
Baird, J. (2021). Phosphorescence: On Awe, Wonder & Things that Sustain you When the World Goes Dark. Random House. Dr. Julia Baird is a journalist, broadcaster and author based in Sydney, Australia. Baird received both her B.A. and Ph.D. in history from Sydney University. In Phosphorescence, Dr. Baird draws our attention towards developing those habits that foster awe and wonder as a way of creating "light" within. Weaving personal narrative, friends experiences, and scholarly research, Dr. Baird offers four stanzas: (1) Awe, Wonder an Silence - In the company of arsonists; (2) The Stories We Tell Ourselves - Why we need to tell our imperfect stories; (3) Walking Each Other Home - The art of friendship; (4) Invincible Summer - Regarde: Look, and savour. Her thoughts: “Lights are the perfect metaphor for flashes of life in the middle of the dark, or joy in difficult times. . . phosphorescence: light released by natural substances.” For example: “Someone who radiates goodness and seems to effortlessly inhabit a kind of joy, or seems so hungry for experience, so curious and engaged and fascinated with the world outside their head that they brim with life, or light.” “Being awestruck dwarfs us, humbles us, makes us aware we are part of a universe unfathomably larger than ourselves.. . . Wonder is a similar sensation, and the two feelings are often entwined. Wonder makes us stop and ask questions about the world, while marveling over something we have not seen before, whether spectacular or mundane.” “All we can do really is keep placing one foot on the earth, then the other, to seek out ancient paths and forests, certain in the knowledge that others have endured before us. We must love. And we must look outwards and upwards at all times, caring for others, seeking wonder and talking awe, every day, to find the magic that will sustain us and fuel the light within - our own phosphorescence.”
Hilary WilliamsAl
This book is one of the best I have read in a long time! Full of the same moxie found in the writings of Sarah Bessey and Rachel Held Evans, Julia Baird shares her personal journey to capture and dwell in phosphorescence with a raw honesty that brought me to tears and made me laugh out loud many times. I could not stop highlighting the beautiful passages found in nearly every chapter. I would highly recommend this book to all who are on their own personal journey to find the light, those who have experienced doubt in their faith journey and all who have struggled or known pain - in essence EVERYONE! I plan to read much more of Baird.
Short Excerpt Teaser
CHAPTER 1
Lessons from a Cuttlefish
Those who dwell, as scientists or laymen, among the beauties or mysteries of the earth are never alone or weary of life. . . . Their thoughts can find paths that lead to inner contentment and to renewed excitement in living. Those who contemplate the beauty of the earth find reserves of strength that will endure as long as life lasts.
-RACHEL CARSON, THE SENSE OF WONDER
The first time I saw a cuttlefish swimming in the wild I was astounded by how prehistoric and alien it looked. Cuttlefish are astonishing creatures, with heads like an elephant's, eight arms they occasionally splay then join together like a trunk, and small bodies ringed with thin, rippling fins that look like a silk shawl. They glide across the ocean floor, changing their color to match the surface underneath them, from gold above sand to brown and red over seaweed, and even their texture, from smooth to thorny, blends in with the background so effectively that they are often noticeable only when they move their silken frills.
Cuttlefish are not just otherworldly in appearance. Consider these facts: Their pupils are shaped like the letter "W," and it has been speculated that cuttlefish eyes are fully developed before birth and that the young start observing their surroundings while still in the egg. Their blood is colorless until exposed to air, when it turns blue-green. They have three hearts and a doughnut-shaped brain that is larger in proportion to its body size than that of any other invertebrate. The cuttlefish bone-a white oval-shaped object often seen washed up on beaches or in parakeet cages-is actually a thick, calcified internal shell that helps cuttlefish control flotation, and separates them from fellow cephalopods such as squids and octopuses. There are four or five male cuttlefish for every female-an excellent ratio in my view-but all live for only a year or two.
For me, cuttlefish are symbols of awe. After my first sighting, I was charged with a peculiar kind of electricity for hours. They still have this effect on me. I regularly spend the winter admiring them, then mourn when the spring tides cast their light white bones onto the shore.
When I dive down to swim alongside cuttlefish, as I have several times this week, the world slows to the rhythm of ruffling skin. They rarely flee and are sometimes quite friendly. Seeing them regularly in the bay at the foot of my hill has given me an unexpected insight into awe. If I had guessed that spying them gliding along reefs could be part of my daily ritual, I would have devoted myself to ocean swimming decades ago.
Peter Godfrey-Smith, a professor of philosophy and history, who also lives on my hill, likens the giant cuttlefish, which can grow to a meter in length, to "an octopus attached to a hovercraft" with arms like "eight huge and dexterous lips." He reminds us that "the mind evolved in the sea. All the early stages took place in water: the origin of life; the birth of animals, the evolution of nervous systems and brains, and the appearance of the complex bodies that make brains worth having. . . . When animals did crawl onto dry land, they took the sea with them. All the basic activities of life occur in water-filled cells bounded by membranes, tiny containers whose insides are remnants of the sea." In other words, the sea is inside us.
If you joined the hundreds of people in my swim squad, you might think at first that the routine was simply about getting a solid bout of exercise before the day begins. We meet after sunrise at Sydney's Manly Beach, swim out to the headland, then arc across a protected marine bay to another beach.
The caps we wear are bright pink. The name we call ourselves, the Bold and Beautiful, is a bit daft, but it's a reminder that the squad was formed years ago by middle-aged women who were too nervous to swim the distance alone. This morning swim was never about skill, but about pluck.
Most days, at some spot along the mile-long route, heads will cluster, arms pointing down under the water at enormous blue gropers, cuttlefish in various states of disguise (also occasionally breeding, or devouring each other), bearded wobbegongs, Port Jackson sharks, eagle rays, and even tiny darting turtles and seahorses. Just this week, a pod of dolphins curved past me as I swam around the headland.
In early winter, dozens of young dusky whaler sharks usually swarm the bay, only a few meters beneath us, migrating only after they have become large enough to make people nervous-there's a reason a collective term for sharks is a "shiver." (While I was writing this, a dawn swimmer was bitten by a shark he says h...
Lessons from a Cuttlefish
Those who dwell, as scientists or laymen, among the beauties or mysteries of the earth are never alone or weary of life. . . . Their thoughts can find paths that lead to inner contentment and to renewed excitement in living. Those who contemplate the beauty of the earth find reserves of strength that will endure as long as life lasts.
-RACHEL CARSON, THE SENSE OF WONDER
The first time I saw a cuttlefish swimming in the wild I was astounded by how prehistoric and alien it looked. Cuttlefish are astonishing creatures, with heads like an elephant's, eight arms they occasionally splay then join together like a trunk, and small bodies ringed with thin, rippling fins that look like a silk shawl. They glide across the ocean floor, changing their color to match the surface underneath them, from gold above sand to brown and red over seaweed, and even their texture, from smooth to thorny, blends in with the background so effectively that they are often noticeable only when they move their silken frills.
Cuttlefish are not just otherworldly in appearance. Consider these facts: Their pupils are shaped like the letter "W," and it has been speculated that cuttlefish eyes are fully developed before birth and that the young start observing their surroundings while still in the egg. Their blood is colorless until exposed to air, when it turns blue-green. They have three hearts and a doughnut-shaped brain that is larger in proportion to its body size than that of any other invertebrate. The cuttlefish bone-a white oval-shaped object often seen washed up on beaches or in parakeet cages-is actually a thick, calcified internal shell that helps cuttlefish control flotation, and separates them from fellow cephalopods such as squids and octopuses. There are four or five male cuttlefish for every female-an excellent ratio in my view-but all live for only a year or two.
For me, cuttlefish are symbols of awe. After my first sighting, I was charged with a peculiar kind of electricity for hours. They still have this effect on me. I regularly spend the winter admiring them, then mourn when the spring tides cast their light white bones onto the shore.
When I dive down to swim alongside cuttlefish, as I have several times this week, the world slows to the rhythm of ruffling skin. They rarely flee and are sometimes quite friendly. Seeing them regularly in the bay at the foot of my hill has given me an unexpected insight into awe. If I had guessed that spying them gliding along reefs could be part of my daily ritual, I would have devoted myself to ocean swimming decades ago.
Peter Godfrey-Smith, a professor of philosophy and history, who also lives on my hill, likens the giant cuttlefish, which can grow to a meter in length, to "an octopus attached to a hovercraft" with arms like "eight huge and dexterous lips." He reminds us that "the mind evolved in the sea. All the early stages took place in water: the origin of life; the birth of animals, the evolution of nervous systems and brains, and the appearance of the complex bodies that make brains worth having. . . . When animals did crawl onto dry land, they took the sea with them. All the basic activities of life occur in water-filled cells bounded by membranes, tiny containers whose insides are remnants of the sea." In other words, the sea is inside us.
If you joined the hundreds of people in my swim squad, you might think at first that the routine was simply about getting a solid bout of exercise before the day begins. We meet after sunrise at Sydney's Manly Beach, swim out to the headland, then arc across a protected marine bay to another beach.
The caps we wear are bright pink. The name we call ourselves, the Bold and Beautiful, is a bit daft, but it's a reminder that the squad was formed years ago by middle-aged women who were too nervous to swim the distance alone. This morning swim was never about skill, but about pluck.
Most days, at some spot along the mile-long route, heads will cluster, arms pointing down under the water at enormous blue gropers, cuttlefish in various states of disguise (also occasionally breeding, or devouring each other), bearded wobbegongs, Port Jackson sharks, eagle rays, and even tiny darting turtles and seahorses. Just this week, a pod of dolphins curved past me as I swam around the headland.
In early winter, dozens of young dusky whaler sharks usually swarm the bay, only a few meters beneath us, migrating only after they have become large enough to make people nervous-there's a reason a collective term for sharks is a "shiver." (While I was writing this, a dawn swimmer was bitten by a shark he says h...
