Plays Well with Others: The Surprising Science Behind Why Everything You Know About Relationships Is (Mostly) Wrong

If you enjoy the author's blog "Barking Up The Wrong Tree" then you'll enjoy this book. Contains interesting anecdotes, things to try and a rather uplifting message at the end about how to really find happiness.

Analytical and very readable. This book does a great job of explaining the key points, and each point is wrapped up nicely. The flow is good, and the structure makes sense. I particularly like the mix of storytelling and analysis side by side.

Eric does it again with another well-researched and fun book about human behavior and relationships. I learned a lot about myself and other people with this book, but I also found that it was endlessly quotable and full of peppy anecdotes. Really recommend this book—good beach reading, plane reading, or a fun gift for someone who's going back to work in the office and wants to figure out how to connect better with colleagues.

It's finally here! Eric Barker is the writer I love to turn to when I'm looking for secrets to life success. There are so many people giving advice based on thin anecdotes and intuition, but Eric digs out ideas and answers in giant tomes of research and verifiable studies. In one part of Plays Well with Others, Eric reveals the ways people either connect with or misjudge new acquaintances — and he does it by using REAL studies that shred stuff like bogus criminal profiling tactics and personality testing. In another part, Eric breaks down the science of renewing love in your relationships by studying surprising lessons learned from a real person with a rare form of amnesia. It's totally fascinating. Eric’s stories are always indelible and I’m constantly retelling them to others — and I’m super excited that now I have a whole new book full of stories to retell. If you get his email newsletter (if not, why not?!) then you already know he has a hilarious way of sneaking you the answers to life’s confounding problems. The pleasure of Plays Well with Others is that the stories all connect to the topic of relationships — friends, family, love life. If you want to know how our brains really work for, and often against, our relationships then I think this book is a must read.

Two hundred sixty-five. That's how many times I highlighted Eric Barker's last book, "Barking Up the Wrong Tree." Basically, one continuous highlight—an all-time record. That's some big shoes to fill. Moreover, I've been writing about relationships and happiness for 1.5 decades, calling myself a Happiness Engineer to tell people about the paramount importance of connection. In other words: is this new Barker book going to hold up to my wholly unreasonable expectations and exacting scrutiny? Yup. I'm happy to report that "Plays Well With Others" is a delightful guide to enriching your life by strengthening its most important aspect: your relationships. Barker emphasizes research showing we're living in far more individualistic and therefore lonely societies today. So let's do something about that *stat*, since loneliness reduces life expectancy as much as smoking (by a decade, yikes). In his quest to debunk popular so-called wisdom, Barker divides the book into four parts corresponding to four straw-man proverbs which he proceeds to pummel like a piñata till they either perish or yield some sweet morsels of truth: Can you judge a book by its cover? Is a friend in need a friend indeed (and what does that mean anyway)? Does love conquer all? Is no man an island? The 5 chapters in each section then delve into the nitty-gritty of the myth-busting (and sometimes myth-affirming) science. Some choice ones: • "Every marriage counselor is wrong" about active listening: it simply doesn't work for couples. • We are truly terrible at reading people. Especially if we try to read body language. We're much better off paying attention to voice intonation. • "The most commonly cited reason for divorce isn’t fighting or affairs; 80 percent of couples said it was losing closeness." • "“Quality time” together won’t do diddly if you’re merely making more time to be bored together. The research is clear here: you need to do exciting things." Fortunately, Barker is kind enough to provide some antidotes after revealing our innate folly — and boy is there a lot of folly to go around. So: don't just hang out with your partner; do exciting things together. And to be better at lie detection than a coin flip, "ask unanticipated questions" and "use evidence strategically." The book truly shines is in its treatment of friendship and love. For example, how do you get away from transactional friendships to something deeper? "Make the time, vulnerably share your thoughts, and raise the stakes." The most useful part is his summary of the work of Dr John Gottman, the god of relationship research. Barker summarizes 40-years' worth of Gottman's findings in a few short chapters than can absolutely change your life—IF you apply them. For example, be wary of the Four Horsemen of criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. ...