Christian Living
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Please, Sorry, Thanks: The Three Words That Change Everything
Strengthen your spiritual, mental, and emotional health and reach your most audacious goals with three simple but power-packed words-from the New York Times bestselling author of Win the Day.
"A practical framework to be the kind of thoughtful, helpful force for good you always wanted to be."-Carey Nieuwhof, founder of the Art of Leadership Academy
The best predictor of success in life, in love, and in leadership is your proficiency at please, sorry, and thanks. Those three words are the foundation of all healthy relationships and successful careers. Those three words are the only ceiling on achieving your dreams. Those three words will determine how happy you are.
With his trademark blend of personal stories, scientific and historical references, and biblical insight, Pastor Mark Batterson shows how you can change your world with your words:
• A timely please can help you unlock the rule of reciprocity for greater results, discover the power of "we is greater than me," and honor others above yourself.
• A sincere sorry can lead you to mend broken relationships, strengthen connections through being radically vulnerable, and better understand the degrees of forgiveness.
• A heartfelt thanks paves the way toward a resilient mindset of gratitude and an expectancy to see God move on your behalf.
Whether you're launching out into a new phase of life or navigating long-established complexities, it's time to harness the power of those three transformative words and let them propel you wherever God leads you to go.
"A practical framework to be the kind of thoughtful, helpful force for good you always wanted to be."-Carey Nieuwhof, founder of the Art of Leadership Academy
The best predictor of success in life, in love, and in leadership is your proficiency at please, sorry, and thanks. Those three words are the foundation of all healthy relationships and successful careers. Those three words are the only ceiling on achieving your dreams. Those three words will determine how happy you are.
With his trademark blend of personal stories, scientific and historical references, and biblical insight, Pastor Mark Batterson shows how you can change your world with your words:
• A timely please can help you unlock the rule of reciprocity for greater results, discover the power of "we is greater than me," and honor others above yourself.
• A sincere sorry can lead you to mend broken relationships, strengthen connections through being radically vulnerable, and better understand the degrees of forgiveness.
• A heartfelt thanks paves the way toward a resilient mindset of gratitude and an expectancy to see God move on your behalf.
Whether you're launching out into a new phase of life or navigating long-established complexities, it's time to harness the power of those three transformative words and let them propel you wherever God leads you to go.
Editorial Reviews
"A balm for the soul. This book will give you a practical framework to be the kind of thoughtful, helpful force for good you always wanted to be."-Carey Nieuwhof, founder of the Art of Leadership Academy
"Powerful, moving, and needed! With just three little words, Mark Batterson will change your perspective on just about everything from your faith to your relationships to the way you speak to yourself."-Dr. Anita Phillips, trauma therapist and author of The Garden Within
"Powerful, moving, and needed! With just three little words, Mark Batterson will change your perspective on just about everything from your faith to your relationships to the way you speak to yourself."-Dr. Anita Phillips, trauma therapist and author of The Garden Within
Short Excerpt Teaser
1
There You Are
It's not about you. -Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life
Jennie Jerome, Winston Churchill's mother, oncedined with two of Britain's prime ministers on back-to-back evenings. When asked her impression of each, she said of William Gladstone, "When I left the dining room after sitting next to Gladstone, I thought he was the cleverest man in England." After dining with Benjamin Disraeli? "I left feeling that I was the cleverest woman."
William Gladstone was good at projecting his charismatic personality, and there is nothing inherently wrong with that. We naturally want to put our best foot forward. Benjamin Disraeli was good at drawing water out of other people's wells. He brought the best out of others. The difference? Gladstone was self-focused, while Disraeli was others-focused. "Talk to people about themselves," said Disraeli, "and they will listen for hours."
My spiritual father, Dick Foth, says there are two kinds of people in the world. The first kind of person walks into a room and internally announces,Here I am. They are pretty impressed with themselves. Their ego barely fits through the door. It's all about me, myself, and I. The second kind of person? They walk into a room and internally announce,There you are. They check their ego at the door. It's all about everyone else. Their objective is adding value.
Which one are you?
Are you a here I am person?
Or are you a there you are person?
People who try to impress others are unimpressive. What's really impressive is someone who isn't trying to impress anyone at all. In the same vein, the most interesting people are those who take a genuine interest in others. They ask lots of questions, and they follow up with "Tell me more!"
The famous apologist Francis Schaeffer said, "If I have only an hour with someone, I will spend the first 55 minutes asking questions and finding out what is troubling their heart and mind, and then in the last 5 minutes I will share something of the truth." Schaeffer understood the virtue of listening. His wife, Edith, described him as having a ministry of conversation.
Did you know that Teddy Roosevelt read, on average, a book a day? And that was while serving as president. How did he do it? For starters, he wasn't watching TV or surfing social media! There were far fewer distractions a century ago, but I don't think he'd read any less if he were alive today. Why? Roosevelt had a holy curiosity about all of God's creation, and reading was his way of researching. Roosevelt prepared for guests, prepared for conversations, by doing his homework. What if we approached relationships, approached conversations, that way? We'd talk about the weather a whole lot less!
Are you living at a conversational pace? And when you have a conversation, do you do more talking or listening? I've had people fly across the country to spend an hour with me, and I couldn't get a word in edgewise. Trust me-I love hearing people's stories. But I was left wondering why they wanted to talk to me. I guess they literally wanted to talk!
Here's a thought: God gave us two ears and one mouth-use them in that proportion! What does that have to do withplease? Please, like listening, is others-focused. It's asking for permission, which empowers the other party. It puts them in the captain's chair.
Author and professor Adam Grant made a distinction between givers and takers. Takers have a scarcity mindset. They tend to be self-focused:Here I am. It's a dog-eat-dog world, and their primary interest is self-interest. Givers have an abundance mindset-what goes around comes around. Their objective is adding value to others: There you are.
Givers and takers have diametrically opposed metrics of success. For a taker, whoever has the most toys at the end of the game wins. It's all about getting what's theirs. A giver doesn't just love to give; they live to give. In the words of martyred missionary Jim Elliot, "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose."
My friend Brad Formsma wrote I Like Giving. It's the gold standard when it comes to generosity. It's all about inspiring people to be generous with their thoughts, words, money, time, attention, belongings, and influence. It was Brad who introduced me to Stanley Tam, the founder of the United States Plastic Corporation. When I met Stanley, he was well into his nineties and had given more than $120 million to kingdom causes. Over dinner he said something I'll never forget: "God's shovel is bigger than ours." In other wor...
There You Are
It's not about you. -Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life
Jennie Jerome, Winston Churchill's mother, oncedined with two of Britain's prime ministers on back-to-back evenings. When asked her impression of each, she said of William Gladstone, "When I left the dining room after sitting next to Gladstone, I thought he was the cleverest man in England." After dining with Benjamin Disraeli? "I left feeling that I was the cleverest woman."
William Gladstone was good at projecting his charismatic personality, and there is nothing inherently wrong with that. We naturally want to put our best foot forward. Benjamin Disraeli was good at drawing water out of other people's wells. He brought the best out of others. The difference? Gladstone was self-focused, while Disraeli was others-focused. "Talk to people about themselves," said Disraeli, "and they will listen for hours."
My spiritual father, Dick Foth, says there are two kinds of people in the world. The first kind of person walks into a room and internally announces,Here I am. They are pretty impressed with themselves. Their ego barely fits through the door. It's all about me, myself, and I. The second kind of person? They walk into a room and internally announce,There you are. They check their ego at the door. It's all about everyone else. Their objective is adding value.
Which one are you?
Are you a here I am person?
Or are you a there you are person?
People who try to impress others are unimpressive. What's really impressive is someone who isn't trying to impress anyone at all. In the same vein, the most interesting people are those who take a genuine interest in others. They ask lots of questions, and they follow up with "Tell me more!"
The famous apologist Francis Schaeffer said, "If I have only an hour with someone, I will spend the first 55 minutes asking questions and finding out what is troubling their heart and mind, and then in the last 5 minutes I will share something of the truth." Schaeffer understood the virtue of listening. His wife, Edith, described him as having a ministry of conversation.
Did you know that Teddy Roosevelt read, on average, a book a day? And that was while serving as president. How did he do it? For starters, he wasn't watching TV or surfing social media! There were far fewer distractions a century ago, but I don't think he'd read any less if he were alive today. Why? Roosevelt had a holy curiosity about all of God's creation, and reading was his way of researching. Roosevelt prepared for guests, prepared for conversations, by doing his homework. What if we approached relationships, approached conversations, that way? We'd talk about the weather a whole lot less!
Are you living at a conversational pace? And when you have a conversation, do you do more talking or listening? I've had people fly across the country to spend an hour with me, and I couldn't get a word in edgewise. Trust me-I love hearing people's stories. But I was left wondering why they wanted to talk to me. I guess they literally wanted to talk!
Here's a thought: God gave us two ears and one mouth-use them in that proportion! What does that have to do withplease? Please, like listening, is others-focused. It's asking for permission, which empowers the other party. It puts them in the captain's chair.
Author and professor Adam Grant made a distinction between givers and takers. Takers have a scarcity mindset. They tend to be self-focused:Here I am. It's a dog-eat-dog world, and their primary interest is self-interest. Givers have an abundance mindset-what goes around comes around. Their objective is adding value to others: There you are.
Givers and takers have diametrically opposed metrics of success. For a taker, whoever has the most toys at the end of the game wins. It's all about getting what's theirs. A giver doesn't just love to give; they live to give. In the words of martyred missionary Jim Elliot, "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose."
My friend Brad Formsma wrote I Like Giving. It's the gold standard when it comes to generosity. It's all about inspiring people to be generous with their thoughts, words, money, time, attention, belongings, and influence. It was Brad who introduced me to Stanley Tam, the founder of the United States Plastic Corporation. When I met Stanley, he was well into his nineties and had given more than $120 million to kingdom causes. Over dinner he said something I'll never forget: "God's shovel is bigger than ours." In other wor...
