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This Boy We Made: A Memoir of Motherhood, Genetics, and Facing the Unknown
Finalist for the 2023 Southern Book Prize
A Black mother bumps up against the limits of everything she thought she believed-about science and medicine, about motherhood, and about her faith-in search of the truth about her son.
One morning, Tophs, Taylor Harris's round-cheeked, lively twenty-two-month-old, wakes up listless, only lifting his head to gulp down water. She rushes Tophs to the doctor, ignoring the part of herself, trained by years of therapy for generalized anxiety disorder, that tries to whisper that she's overreacting. But at the hospital, her maternal instincts are confirmed: something is wrong with her boy, and Taylor's life will never be the same.
With every question the doctors answer about Tophs's increasingly troubling symptoms, more arise, and Taylor dives into the search for a diagnosis. She spends countless hours trying to navigate health and education systems that can be hostile to Black mothers and children; at night she googles, prays, and interrogates her every action.
Some days, her sweet, charismatic boy seems just fine; others, he struggles to answer simple questions. A long-awaited appointment with a geneticist ultimately reveals nothing about what's causing Tophs's drops in blood sugar, his processing delays-but it does reveal something unexpected about Taylor's own health. What if her son's challenges have saved her life?
This Boy We Made is a stirring and radiantly written examination of the bond between mother and child, full of hard-won insights about fighting for and finding meaning when nothing goes as expected.
A Black mother bumps up against the limits of everything she thought she believed-about science and medicine, about motherhood, and about her faith-in search of the truth about her son.
One morning, Tophs, Taylor Harris's round-cheeked, lively twenty-two-month-old, wakes up listless, only lifting his head to gulp down water. She rushes Tophs to the doctor, ignoring the part of herself, trained by years of therapy for generalized anxiety disorder, that tries to whisper that she's overreacting. But at the hospital, her maternal instincts are confirmed: something is wrong with her boy, and Taylor's life will never be the same.
With every question the doctors answer about Tophs's increasingly troubling symptoms, more arise, and Taylor dives into the search for a diagnosis. She spends countless hours trying to navigate health and education systems that can be hostile to Black mothers and children; at night she googles, prays, and interrogates her every action.
Some days, her sweet, charismatic boy seems just fine; others, he struggles to answer simple questions. A long-awaited appointment with a geneticist ultimately reveals nothing about what's causing Tophs's drops in blood sugar, his processing delays-but it does reveal something unexpected about Taylor's own health. What if her son's challenges have saved her life?
This Boy We Made is a stirring and radiantly written examination of the bond between mother and child, full of hard-won insights about fighting for and finding meaning when nothing goes as expected.
Editorial Reviews
Finalist for the 2023 Southern Book Prize
A Washington Post Best Nonfiction Book of the Year
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution, A Best Book of the Year
Essence, A Most Anticipated Title of the Year
An Electric Literature Most Anticipated Title of the Year
The Millions, A Most Anticipated Book of the Year
"Taylor Harris has masterfully captured the wonder and weight of the endurance race that is motherhood. Mothering in the face of illness and uncertainty as a Black woman is downright Olympian. Harris' beautiful, crisp prose drew me right into her family's journey. Their story is heart-wrenching, hopeful, and truly unforgettable." -Deesha Philyaw, author The Secret Lives of Church Ladies
"Harris's prose hugs readers like lifelong confidants, transforming them into inner-circle champions of her graceful fight . . . The memoir dedicates important space to the numbing bureaucracy that often accompanies medical visits, particularly as seen through the eyes of a Black woman in the South. Having moved often within white neighborhoods and educational institutions around her home in Charlottesville, Harris is unflinching about her periodic unease in those quarters . . . Harris also brings humor to bear in moments of great adversity." -Karen Iris Tucker, The Washington Post
"In her debut book, she carefully collects the pearls of experience and strings them together in a wide-ranging and profound memoir, exploring her relationship with God-first as an anxious child and then as a concerned mother-but also her frustrations as a Black woman seeking answers from a dismissive establishment, alongside daily struggles any parent would find familiar." -Lorraine Berry, Los Angeles Times
"An affecting, razor-sharp debut . . . This Boy We Made blows up the stale formulas of trauma memoir, implicating us in Harris's most intimate and terrifying moments, and those of her family, with candor and cool precision . . . This Boy We Made not only reflects broader social reckonings, it is itself a reckoning, illuminating inequities entrenched not only within our ju...
A Washington Post Best Nonfiction Book of the Year
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution, A Best Book of the Year
Essence, A Most Anticipated Title of the Year
An Electric Literature Most Anticipated Title of the Year
The Millions, A Most Anticipated Book of the Year
"Taylor Harris has masterfully captured the wonder and weight of the endurance race that is motherhood. Mothering in the face of illness and uncertainty as a Black woman is downright Olympian. Harris' beautiful, crisp prose drew me right into her family's journey. Their story is heart-wrenching, hopeful, and truly unforgettable." -Deesha Philyaw, author The Secret Lives of Church Ladies
"Harris's prose hugs readers like lifelong confidants, transforming them into inner-circle champions of her graceful fight . . . The memoir dedicates important space to the numbing bureaucracy that often accompanies medical visits, particularly as seen through the eyes of a Black woman in the South. Having moved often within white neighborhoods and educational institutions around her home in Charlottesville, Harris is unflinching about her periodic unease in those quarters . . . Harris also brings humor to bear in moments of great adversity." -Karen Iris Tucker, The Washington Post
"In her debut book, she carefully collects the pearls of experience and strings them together in a wide-ranging and profound memoir, exploring her relationship with God-first as an anxious child and then as a concerned mother-but also her frustrations as a Black woman seeking answers from a dismissive establishment, alongside daily struggles any parent would find familiar." -Lorraine Berry, Los Angeles Times
"An affecting, razor-sharp debut . . . This Boy We Made blows up the stale formulas of trauma memoir, implicating us in Harris's most intimate and terrifying moments, and those of her family, with candor and cool precision . . . This Boy We Made not only reflects broader social reckonings, it is itself a reckoning, illuminating inequities entrenched not only within our ju...
Readers Top Reviews
Violet Charles E
What a candid window into facing your own health challenges and frailties yet rising to be a champion for your son. Such a great example of choosing to celebrate the moments that are apparent even when other things remain a mystery.
A. Douglas
Our body is us,is always with us, but can hold secrets. This intimacy requires love, care, patience and respect, and elicits joy when all we need is a loving hug.
cantbackup
Sometimes I wanted to shake this anxiety ridden mother who hovered over her quirky son and his every abnormal gaze. The medical profession could not diagnose his bizarre infrequent symptoms. That she blamed racism really pissed me off. Her husband Paul both a professor during pastor is painted as perfect. Wam guessing he is. This book is so beautiful written in spite of its bias
Tami Schrank
Taylor’s memoir had me engrossed from the start. What a brave empathic person and mother who searched for answers for her son and for herself, and found them. Hard to put down as I always wanted to find out what happened next. Great book!
Nancy J. Cohen
Theology mystifies me, but this story, a multi-layered memoir, proves how one’s deep personal beliefs can provide a structure for understanding the world and all that it throws at us. Taylor and Paul have three gorgeous children, one of whom is a bit different. Whatever little jumble occurred in his genetic makeup, the boy they brought into the world is a mystery to his doctors, some of the most remarkable experts, who try to decipher his symptoms and genome. There is no definitive label to say what is this difference that causes his processing and other learning problems as well as life-threatening physical issues. Through the lens of Christopher or Tophs’ story, Taylor presents other worrisome points. Racism perpetrates continued subtle marginalization of people of color through the health system and education, especially special education programs. Do Black children get the same level of access to programs as white kids or alternatively are they tracked into special education in too large numbers. Do parents of color get treated with the same respect or patience as white parents who want to report their observations. Do parents need to code shift when speaking with professionals. There are other story lines that hold this marvelous book together including Taylor’s anxiety disorder, Paul’s call to the ministry, and the confounding truth about what genetic testing tells us about ourselves and our survival, and the question of what makes a good mother. Life can be tough. Taylor’s memoir makes me want to ask her to write another, maybe in a decade, so we can know how Tophs and his family are doing.
