Thrillers & Suspense
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How to Sell a Haunted House
AN INSTANT NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER
"Wildly entertaining."-The New York Times
"Ingenious."-The Washington Post
Grady Hendrix takes on the haunted house in a thrilling new novel that explores the way your past-and your family-can haunt you like nothing else.
When Louise finds out her parents have died, she dreads going home. She doesn't want to leave her daughter with her ex and fly to Charleston. She doesn't want to deal with her family home, stuffed to the rafters with the remnants of her father's academic career and her mother's lifelong obsession with puppets and dolls. She doesn't want to learn how to live without the two people who knew and loved her best in the world.
Most of all, she doesn't want to deal with her brother, Mark, who never left their hometown, gets fired from one job after another, and resents her success. Unfortunately, she'll need his help to get the house ready for sale because it'll take more than some new paint on the walls and clearing out a lifetime of memories to get this place on the market.
But some houses don't want to be sold, and their home has other plans for both of them…
Like his novels The Southern Book Club's Guide to Slaying Vampires and The Final Girl Support Group, How to Sell a Haunted House is classic Hendrix: equal parts heartfelt and terrifying-a gripping new read from "the horror master" (USA Today).
"Wildly entertaining."-The New York Times
"Ingenious."-The Washington Post
Grady Hendrix takes on the haunted house in a thrilling new novel that explores the way your past-and your family-can haunt you like nothing else.
When Louise finds out her parents have died, she dreads going home. She doesn't want to leave her daughter with her ex and fly to Charleston. She doesn't want to deal with her family home, stuffed to the rafters with the remnants of her father's academic career and her mother's lifelong obsession with puppets and dolls. She doesn't want to learn how to live without the two people who knew and loved her best in the world.
Most of all, she doesn't want to deal with her brother, Mark, who never left their hometown, gets fired from one job after another, and resents her success. Unfortunately, she'll need his help to get the house ready for sale because it'll take more than some new paint on the walls and clearing out a lifetime of memories to get this place on the market.
But some houses don't want to be sold, and their home has other plans for both of them…
Like his novels The Southern Book Club's Guide to Slaying Vampires and The Final Girl Support Group, How to Sell a Haunted House is classic Hendrix: equal parts heartfelt and terrifying-a gripping new read from "the horror master" (USA Today).
Editorial Reviews
"Grady Hendrix's horror novels are a gateway drug to the genre...By weaving violence, family trauma and humor, Hendrix creates a texture that engages the reader emotionally and viscerally…[a] gripping, wildly entertaining exploration of childhood horrors."
-The New York Times
"A delight...Hendrix, with relentless efficiency-and a bit of humor-forces us to confront our fears."
-The Washington Post
"A madcap funhouse of a novel. Zigzags from hilarious to horrifying to heartbreaking and back again in the blink of an eye. I loved it!"
-Riley Sager, New York Times bestselling author of The House Across the Lake
"Classic Grady Hendrix: an authentically frightening, genuinely funny reconfiguration of what a haunted house can be."
-Esquire
"[A] campy, cinematic ride."
-People
"Hendrix is a contemporary horror master, and the combination of profound storytelling and unapologetic, campy gore he delivers here will surely have horror fans reading with a gleeful smile on their faces."
-NPR
"This book is a missile designed to obliterate you emotionally and absolutely annihilate you with terror. And let me tell you, Grady Hendrix does not miss."
-Mallory O'Meara, National bestselling author of The Lady from the Black Lagoon
"It's tempting to point out the balance of horror and humor here, and the commingling of the two really is something else, but the true power behind How to Sell a Haunted House is in its emotionality, the sister-brother dynamic, the family matters. It's life and death in the childhood home, and Hendrix has masterfully rendered the journey from one end to the other."
-Josh Malerman, New York Times bestselling author of Bird Box and D...
-The New York Times
"A delight...Hendrix, with relentless efficiency-and a bit of humor-forces us to confront our fears."
-The Washington Post
"A madcap funhouse of a novel. Zigzags from hilarious to horrifying to heartbreaking and back again in the blink of an eye. I loved it!"
-Riley Sager, New York Times bestselling author of The House Across the Lake
"Classic Grady Hendrix: an authentically frightening, genuinely funny reconfiguration of what a haunted house can be."
-Esquire
"[A] campy, cinematic ride."
-People
"Hendrix is a contemporary horror master, and the combination of profound storytelling and unapologetic, campy gore he delivers here will surely have horror fans reading with a gleeful smile on their faces."
-NPR
"This book is a missile designed to obliterate you emotionally and absolutely annihilate you with terror. And let me tell you, Grady Hendrix does not miss."
-Mallory O'Meara, National bestselling author of The Lady from the Black Lagoon
"It's tempting to point out the balance of horror and humor here, and the commingling of the two really is something else, but the true power behind How to Sell a Haunted House is in its emotionality, the sister-brother dynamic, the family matters. It's life and death in the childhood home, and Hendrix has masterfully rendered the journey from one end to the other."
-Josh Malerman, New York Times bestselling author of Bird Box and D...
Readers Top Reviews
P. cairesohtikiCo
If you've read (and liked) any of his books (I've read them all) you'll probably like this one as well. If this is your first Hendrix read then know while the title might imply there are chuckles ahead this is not a tongue in cheek book. This is intense. It is also very well written.
Kindle P. caires
It was almost impossible to read this and not think of scripts. Every character is a formulaic character, even the puppet. Scary and high octane for sure, although the story doesn't really get going until almost half way, grit your teeth until then. Do not be tempted to peek at the ending, the bittersweet ending is worth it.
Oceans of BooksKi
Grady Hendrix had done it again! This book reads just like a horror movie. Ever been afraid of those creepy dolls and clowns? Ever said I know they are watching me? Well this book will both amplify your fear, while simultaneously have you feeling heartbroken both for forgotten dolls and forgotten lives. This could be my favorite Hendrix book yet! Definitely worth the read!
Sharon DOceans of
It's been a very long time since I picked up a novel and read it. I don't know if I missed reading or it was that good but I didn't put it down. I never had an opinion on puppets & masks before, but I do now... nor will I ever buy a doll from eBay. Chuckie should have taught us the first time. Isn't it crazy that it takes us so long to realize that our families are not normal?
SamanthaSharon DO
I always enjoy Grady Hendrix books, so I’ve been looking forward to this one for some time. While not my favorite of his works it was still very interesting, unique, and well written. I would imagine if you’re creeped out by dolls this will be terrifying for you. What held me back from crossing the line between liking and loving it was the fact that I found both main characters very unlikeable. I understand everyone is flawed, but it was almost as if these two were caricatures of opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to flaws. They, of course, mostly redeem themselves in the end but far too late to really embrace them.
Short Excerpt Teaser
Chapter 1
Louise thought it might not go well, so she told her parents she was pregnant over the phone, from three thousand miles away, in San Francisco. It wasn't that she had a single doubt about her decision. When those two parallel pink lines had ghosted into view, all her panic dissolved and she heard a clear, certain voice inside her head say:
I'm a mother now.
But even in the twenty-first century it was hard to predict how a pair of Southern parents would react to the news that their thirty-four-year-old unmarried daughter was pregnant. Louise spent all day rehearsing different scripts that would ease them into it, but the minute her mom answered and her dad picked up the kitchen extension, her mind went blank and she blurted out:
"I'm pregnant."
She braced herself for the barrage of questions.
Are you sure? Does Ian know? Are you going to keep it? Have you thought about moving back to Charleston? Are you certain this is the best thing? Do you have any idea how hard this will be alone? How are you going to manage?
In the long silence, she prepared her answers: Yes, not yet, of course, God no, no but I'm doing it anyway, yes, I'll manage.
Over the phone she heard someone inhale through what sounded like a mouthful of water and realized her mom was crying.
"Oh, Louise," her mother said in a thick voice, and Louise prepared herself for the worst. "I'm so happy. You're going to be the mother I wasn't."
Her dad only had one question: her exact street address.
"I don't want any confusion with the cab driver when we land."
"Dad," Louise said, "you don't have to come right now."
"Of course we do," he said. "You're our Louise."
She waited for them on the sidewalk, her heart pounding every time a car turned the corner, until finally a dark blue Nissan slowed to a stop in front of her building and her dad helped her mom out of the back seat and she couldn't wait-she threw herself into her mom's arms like she was a little kid again.
They took her crib shopping and stroller shopping and told Louise she was crazy to even consider a cloth diaper service, and discussed feeding techniques and vaccinations and a million decisions Louise would have to make, and bought snot suckers and diapers and onesies, and receiving blankets and changing pads and wipes, and rash cream and burp cloths and rattles and night-lights, and Louise would've thought they'd bought way too much if her mother hadn't said, "You've hardly bought anything at all."
She couldn't even blame them for having a hard time with the whole Ian issue.
"Married or not, we have to meet his family," her mom said. "We're going to be co-grandparents."
"I haven't told him yet," Louise said. "I'm barely eleven weeks."
"Well, you're not getting any less pregnant," her mom pointed out.
"There are tangible financial benefits to marriage," her dad added. "You're sure you don't want to reconsider?"
Louise did not want to reconsider.
Ian could be funny, he was smart, and he made an obscenely high income curating rare vinyl for rich people in the Bay Area who yearned for their childhoods. He'd put together a complete collection of original pressing Beatles LPs for the fourth-largest shareholder at Facebook and found the bootleg of a Grateful Dead concert where a Twitter board member had proposed to his first wife. Louise couldn't believe how much they paid him for this.
On the other hand, when she suggested they should take a break he'd taken that as his cue to go down on one knee in the atrium of the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art and propose. He'd been so upset when she said no that she'd finally had pity sex with him, which was how she came to be in her current condition.
When Ian had proposed, he'd been wearing his vintage Nirvana In Utero T-shirt with a hole in the collar that had cost him four hundred dollars. He spent thousands every year on sneakers, which he insisted on calling "kicks." He checked his phone when she talked about her day, made fun of her when she mixed up the Rolling Stones and the Who, and said, "Are you sure?" whenever she ordered dessert.
"Dad," Louise said. "Ian's not ready to be a parent."
"Who is?" her mom asked.
But Louise knew Ian really wasn't ready.
Every family visit lasts three days too long, and by the end of the week Louise was counting the hours until she could be alone in her apartment again. The day before her parents' flight home, she holed up in her bedroom "doing email" while her mom took off her earrings to take a nap and her dad left to find a copy of the Financial Times. If they could do this until lunch, then go on a walk around the Presidio, then dinner, Louise figure...
Louise thought it might not go well, so she told her parents she was pregnant over the phone, from three thousand miles away, in San Francisco. It wasn't that she had a single doubt about her decision. When those two parallel pink lines had ghosted into view, all her panic dissolved and she heard a clear, certain voice inside her head say:
I'm a mother now.
But even in the twenty-first century it was hard to predict how a pair of Southern parents would react to the news that their thirty-four-year-old unmarried daughter was pregnant. Louise spent all day rehearsing different scripts that would ease them into it, but the minute her mom answered and her dad picked up the kitchen extension, her mind went blank and she blurted out:
"I'm pregnant."
She braced herself for the barrage of questions.
Are you sure? Does Ian know? Are you going to keep it? Have you thought about moving back to Charleston? Are you certain this is the best thing? Do you have any idea how hard this will be alone? How are you going to manage?
In the long silence, she prepared her answers: Yes, not yet, of course, God no, no but I'm doing it anyway, yes, I'll manage.
Over the phone she heard someone inhale through what sounded like a mouthful of water and realized her mom was crying.
"Oh, Louise," her mother said in a thick voice, and Louise prepared herself for the worst. "I'm so happy. You're going to be the mother I wasn't."
Her dad only had one question: her exact street address.
"I don't want any confusion with the cab driver when we land."
"Dad," Louise said, "you don't have to come right now."
"Of course we do," he said. "You're our Louise."
She waited for them on the sidewalk, her heart pounding every time a car turned the corner, until finally a dark blue Nissan slowed to a stop in front of her building and her dad helped her mom out of the back seat and she couldn't wait-she threw herself into her mom's arms like she was a little kid again.
They took her crib shopping and stroller shopping and told Louise she was crazy to even consider a cloth diaper service, and discussed feeding techniques and vaccinations and a million decisions Louise would have to make, and bought snot suckers and diapers and onesies, and receiving blankets and changing pads and wipes, and rash cream and burp cloths and rattles and night-lights, and Louise would've thought they'd bought way too much if her mother hadn't said, "You've hardly bought anything at all."
She couldn't even blame them for having a hard time with the whole Ian issue.
"Married or not, we have to meet his family," her mom said. "We're going to be co-grandparents."
"I haven't told him yet," Louise said. "I'm barely eleven weeks."
"Well, you're not getting any less pregnant," her mom pointed out.
"There are tangible financial benefits to marriage," her dad added. "You're sure you don't want to reconsider?"
Louise did not want to reconsider.
Ian could be funny, he was smart, and he made an obscenely high income curating rare vinyl for rich people in the Bay Area who yearned for their childhoods. He'd put together a complete collection of original pressing Beatles LPs for the fourth-largest shareholder at Facebook and found the bootleg of a Grateful Dead concert where a Twitter board member had proposed to his first wife. Louise couldn't believe how much they paid him for this.
On the other hand, when she suggested they should take a break he'd taken that as his cue to go down on one knee in the atrium of the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art and propose. He'd been so upset when she said no that she'd finally had pity sex with him, which was how she came to be in her current condition.
When Ian had proposed, he'd been wearing his vintage Nirvana In Utero T-shirt with a hole in the collar that had cost him four hundred dollars. He spent thousands every year on sneakers, which he insisted on calling "kicks." He checked his phone when she talked about her day, made fun of her when she mixed up the Rolling Stones and the Who, and said, "Are you sure?" whenever she ordered dessert.
"Dad," Louise said. "Ian's not ready to be a parent."
"Who is?" her mom asked.
But Louise knew Ian really wasn't ready.
Every family visit lasts three days too long, and by the end of the week Louise was counting the hours until she could be alone in her apartment again. The day before her parents' flight home, she holed up in her bedroom "doing email" while her mom took off her earrings to take a nap and her dad left to find a copy of the Financial Times. If they could do this until lunch, then go on a walk around the Presidio, then dinner, Louise figure...
