My Dark Vanessa: A Novel

4 Stars I'm finally writing a review for this.. after a month. This book left me feeling sad, frustrated, horrified and disgusted. I haven't read Lolita yet but from the many references in this book, I feel like I got the gist of it. In this novel, Lolita was used as an instrument of deception, control and even justification. We have a 15-year-old girl away from her family, at a private boarding school. She is a typical teenager, full of insecurities, misplaced anger, and self-righteousness. What makes her different from the others is her loner tendencies as well as her strong need to define herself or just find herself. What topped it all up was her talent for words and the symbolism they evoke. All those things put together make her an easy target in the eyes of a highly educated English teacher who is extremely skilled at mental manipulation. He prods at her creative sensibilities and singles her out for her "extraordinary mind", "surprising maturity", and “uncultivated raw talent”. God, he was so good at confusing her, molding her, reaching into her mind and rearranging her perception. Building her up and tearing her down without her noticing. Confusing her only to come back and untangle the threads of her memory in such a way that she no longer discerns between what was her will or his, her idea or his. The set up of him being an English teacher and her being an aspiring writer only made it so much easier for him to insert himself into her life as a mentor, someone who values her beyond the physical. He figured her out and then directed her thoughts and feelings in a certain direction where he could meet her under the guise of mutual consent. He keeps feeding her examples in literature, of relationships that validate their own. (Lolita being one of them, we find out later, that was how he would start the "grooming process"). The story is told alternating from past to present when she is 32 years old. Vanessa was a deeply troubled character and it all started because of Strane (the pedophile/teacher). It was weird for me to reconcile her ambivalence. Not when she was a kid, that I understand, she was overwhelmed, lost, unable to asses the situation through the eyes of someone who understands life and nuance but.. when we get the flashes from the present- especially at the beginning of the book, I felt so enraged I wanted to scream at her: "let yourself be the victim, let yourself feel the anger, let yourself off the hook". But that comes with another set of issues, realizing that all her thoughts and control she thought she had, was nothing more than an illusion meant to soothe her fragility. There is a scene in the book, towards the end, where her therapist is trying to convince her to admit to herself that it was abuse not love and that it was not her fault. And she resp...

Very disappointed with this book, most of it is a lot of uncomfortable flashbacks to a child being groomed and sexually abused and gaslit, and not in a thought provoking way or a way that gets justified, but just overly detailed descriptions of a horrible abusive life.

My Dark Vanessa is the harrowing tale of fifteen-year-old Vanessa Wye’s relationship with her forty-five-year-old English teacher, Jacob Strane, and the lasting impact it has on her life. It also examines themes of consent, coercion and manipulation, and asks what is it that makes someone a victim. It also forces the reader to look at their own preconceptions and the prejudices that are often found when these situations come to light. The story is told from Vanessa’s perspective, both as an adult and teenager. In both timelines she is under Strane’s spell and believes it was a great love affair rather than abuse. But when another of Strane’s former students claims he abused her, Vanessa is forced to reconsider if it was really love and whether she was a willing participant in a loving relationship or a victim of abuse. Kate Elizabeth Russell has written a novel that is powerful, compelling, timely and thought-provoking. Eighteen years in the making, it feels like this story has come at the perfect time with the rise of the #MeToo movement and the increasing number of victims who are finding the strength to vocalise their experiences. She addresses the nuances of this movement, the pressure put on victims to come forward even if they aren’t ready, and the way the tide can turn so quickly in how they are portrayed. This isn’t an easy read. The book contained some graphic, nauseating and unsettling scenes of what I consider to be abuse and a number of times I had to put down the book and stop reading for a while. After one particularly distressing scene, I was left feeling utterly broken with tears running down my face. At these times I was especially glad that I was reading this as a buddy read as I was able to talk through my feelings with my reading buddy. It has been said that Vanessa is an unlikeable character, and it’s true, she’s not particularly warm or bubbly, but I think the decision to make her so complex made the story all the more compelling and real. Victims of any kind of abuse often don’t see what is happening for a long time, if at all, and Vanessa wouldn’t have begun her affair with Strane if it had been obvious to her. Reading her desperation to be noticed and loved by him as she was unwittingly groomed was heartbreaking. In her adult years we see the immense damage he has done to her psyche, her unwillingness to see the truth and tear down the house of straw she’s built in her mind and heart. I couldn’t help but wonder if she would ever be able to heal. The real unlikeable character was the manipulative, predatory, and vile Strane. But even he has layers to his character and has an awareness that what he wants and does is wrong. He tells himself it’s true love, that they are soulmates, that she is in control and sets himself boundaries. These are all designed to negate the wrong he is doing and re...

No spoilers!! The writing here was phenomenal, I was absolutely cradled in the poetry and seasonal depictions. Although the text is slow at some sections, it’s a beautiful rollercoaster. I enjoyed all the references to other works of art, literature, movies, music, and people. Lolita was referenced and compared throughout the book but not in a way that spoils. The emotional breakdown/breakthrough of Vanessas character is something that sticks with me even weeks after reading. I absolutely recommend this book to those who have survived any sort of abuse (check trigger warnings.) I hope you all find a way to heal 💚

Take a look at the cover of “My Dark Vanessa.” (Go on. Look.) Now, look again. Reeaally look. Longer, this time. Is it me? Or does the photo not just say it all? Personally, I find the stark image of the woman’s face to be one of the saddest, most hauntingly beautiful photographs I have ever seen. Her melancholy expression instantly grabs one’s attention; her evident pain draws the observer in. It’s stunning – and it so artfully, wordlessly captures the devastating essence of Kate Elizabeth Russell’s debut novel. The narrative recounts the story of Vanessa, who at age 15, begins an illicit seven-year affair with her 42-year-old Literature teacher, Jacob Strane. Through the utilization of dual timelines, the novel essentially has two starting points. The year 2000, at the inception of Vanessa’s relationship with Strane; and the year 2017, at the height of the #MeToo era when Vanessa is forced to reexamine the affair under a more critical light as multiple allegations of abuse by Strane surface to the forefront. She has no choice but to consider anew the culpability of Strane and the contributions of her own actions. To say that I enjoyed “My Dark Vanessa” is a bit of a misnomer. For how could I possibly enjoy a tale of a pedophile abusing a 15-year-old girl? Because I didn’t. Yet, I did. Horrendous subject matter aside, the novel is a page turner. It is excellently written. It is compelling and powerful. But reading it is also an extremely dark, sexually graphic, heartbreaking, and emotionally grueling experience. It’s intentionally so. Russell aims for readers to feel discomfited. She wants us to feel outraged and unnerved as we behold the abuse of Vanessa on the page. She fearlessly shows us the how and the why of it. And the story rattles us to the core. Because the novel just feels REAL. It reads authentically. I cannot imagine finding a more honest fictional description of an abusive relationship between a teenage girl and an adult man than the one laid before us in “My Dark Vanessa.” We see how Strane chooses Vanessa with purpose and how he grooms her. We view Strane’s manipulation of Vanessa’s feelings, how he expertly reels her in. We observe the formation of a father-daughter bond between them. We bear witness to Strane gaslighting Vanessa and the blame he places on her shoulders, to the point where she can no longer trust her memories and does not know what to believe. We watch Vanessa repeatedly be raped by Strane while he disguises the abuse as love. Make no mistake. None of what happens to Vanessa is her fault. Not one bit. She is a child when it all begins. She is taken advantage of by an extremely sick man. Period. End of discussion. And here is where, as a reader, frustration is felt. Because Vanessa doesn’t recognize the abuse. She is symptomatically blind to it, years ...